I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
