Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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