I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
