u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
In America we eat man semen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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