I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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