Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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