The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
