Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
