You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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