you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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