you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
