At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
