I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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