I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
