Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
