There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
