Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's get the cat blown out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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