we're blogging at a bar
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
