haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
