There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
