you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
