Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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