Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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