I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
