3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
