just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
