I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
