What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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