we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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