remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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