somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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