just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
