apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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