I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
