Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
