the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
