alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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