it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
