obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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