I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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