Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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