feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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