I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
