Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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