So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
