I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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