Pappa wants mamma naked
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
