pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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