Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
