Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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