If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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