3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
