I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
