Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
