oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
