Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
